Gideon Television

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August 18, 2007

Whatever happened to Gideon Television?

"The last thing I remember, I was running for the door...."

That was eight months ago, at the Aloft. The fog clears, and memory comes streaming back to me, gushing across my eyes like an enthusiastic actress in a hard-to-believe-it's-real stag loop. But as the drugs finally wane, I begin to question. Where am I? Where have I been? Whatever happened to Gideon Television?

Here is where the story begins. It's been eight months of happiness. Of bliss. Gideon reformed, mended his philandering ways. He found a cabin by the sea, on the Nantucket coast. Took a lover who he planned to make his wife. A lifetime of shit provided ample manure on which to grow a bed of roses, and they lived happily ever after...

No wait - that's wrong, it never happened that way. Didn't that crazy broad walk out on me, to set up a floating knocking shop with her lesbian lover? Or... the fog clears some more. I start again.

Eight months of happniness with "Z". A cabin by the sea... No... that's not right either...

Eight months of happiness with "T"...

Eight months of superheroic sex games, on a love platform with "S", and...FUCK

The women flit across my mind, like designer skins falling from a rotten onion....

Wasn't there a seductress with a chassis like a fine automobile, a night of fuel-injected turbo passion when she chained me to her station and serviced my engine?

Or a stripper named Roxy on the roof of the Million Dollar Hotel, who brought me back from the dead, when all seemed lost?

And I remember the christening of the Grotto. While a heron warbled above, the real nesting happened below at the water's edge. Way below. Do I have to spell it out?

I realize my XCite is ruling my head. And with that realization, I feel relaxed, more like my old self. None of this was real. Imaginary liaisons covering up imaginary nightmares. What the fuck is going on? I peel some more.

I half remember opening up the Pontiac dealership...

... but would Gideon sell his soul for a handful of Linden? I think not.

A monochrome memory - I try to buy the world a Coke, surrounded by foxes and vixens - and I realize it's Fox & Lillani from Big Brother, and my fantasies collide, splintering the dream, and the cold light of reality streams in.

And then I wake and look around me, at the four semen-stained walls that surround me, and I realize...

Yes, I was only dreaming.

It's been 8 months... here at Riker's Asylum, since the Aloft bad mojo seeped into my brain. For the first time my mind is clear. It was all a lie - the cabin, the lovers, the adventures. There has been only this - the padded cell, the internal probes and the electro-shock treatment. For the first time, my mind is alert, and I can think only of missed opportunities, and of escape.

Fate intervenes. It's time for my daily shot in the ass that's been keeping me sedate, served by Nurse Shepherd, a 50 year old she-male who's breath smells of rotten lavender and parmesan. Except...

11, they make the mistake that will eventually close the asylum, and force the administrators to advertise enemas on demand in a back room in Hard Alley. They send me a virginal student nurse - a young fashionista performing her community service for shoplifting.

And it's like taking hard candy from sleeping baby. Within minutes, she's mine. I seduce her with passion, and with the English accent, and promises of SLebrity.

I almost feel guilty. Almost. And while she sighs meekly with whatever passes for a female refractory period, I make my escape.

Shafts of sunlight hit my face, and the Grid shudders, hiccups and stalls. It's as if the world that birthed Gideon Television tries to shut down, a defense mechanism at the cancer that has returned. But it's too late - I've metastasized. I have returned to the Land of Linden.

I decide to make a grand gesture, a outflowing of Gideon juice that will re-hydrate my followers . The next season of Gideon Television shall be dedicated completely to Sin. The Seven Deadlies - Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Lust, Anger, Envy and Pride. Coming your way, this Fall.

Lock up your daughters, people. Gideon Television is back

Coming soon: Gideon Television, Season Two, Episode One: Gluttony.

Posted by Gideon Television at August 18, 2007 02:02 PM


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