Gideon Television

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September 23, 2006

My rod and my staff

Church Window
Forgive me, children, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession, In that time I have taken hallucinogenics, I've had impure thoughts about my neighbor Lanna, I've fornicated many times (with both women and animals) and become an apprentice to the current fad of guerilla bukkake. And frankly, that's just the tip of the iceberg.

But now I have seen the error of my ways, I have found the light. And in doing so, have built a shrine to my revelation, high on a green and pleasant hill in Second Life.

Come join with me now, in The First Church of Gideon Television, (Superstar)™.

Outside 002
The Church is built of centuries of tradition, and embodies the central core of organized religions the world over; unquestioning obedience without reason. So while the decision to adopt Crowley's "Do What Thou Wilt" as our foundation may seem tawdry, it's a sect with no shame, no guilt and no sin. Trust me, I'm an ordained minister. (Mail order, beatification guaranteed, no refunds)

Snapshot 004-2
I'm met at the entrance by Sister Hazel. In case you're wondering, this isn't a women of the cloth - she rents by the hour, for any role you need. And ever since that hot afternoon in the barn with my big sister Janey, I've always loved Sisters.

Outside 003
The altar sports a custom stained glass window. It's designed to evoke awe, devotion, and that feeling you get between your legs when you climbed the ropes in gym class. Don't kid yourself - that's the way all religions want you to feel.

Snapshot 007-1
I begin the sermon, unloading a free-form stream of expletives, threats and invective. The Church is a rock of spontaneity, unplanned & unrehearsed, using the Spirit as our holy alibi for all transgressions. The novice listens with rapt attention - transfixed, glassy eyed, rocking back and forth in rapture. Until I realize that's probably the six grams of Seclamine I used to get her here.

Snapshot 008
I figure we need some kind of consecration of my altar, so I bid the supplicant kneel at the first station, to prepare for my magnificent benediction. And this is where it all goes to hell in a fucking breadbasket.

Snapshot 020
As if sensing I'm without the host, Sister Hazel decides that there's only one way I'm getting to heaven, and that's with her very own Gift of the Tongue. I probably should have explained the rules to this girl a little better, but The Church of Gideon wasn't erected in a day. Or maybe it was.

Snapshot 022
And then the spirit came upon me, and a tremendous longing filled my loins, and I found my true religion.

Snapshot 015
There are many ways to reach transendendance. Choosing penitence and chastity may get you there, but there's also a chance that, come the End Days, you'll look back and say "You mean, I gave up all the meaningless sex and casual drugs for no reason at all?" And, when you think about it, that would be the most unoriginal sin of all.

Come worship at our altar. Servicing you daily at three and seven. Unless I'm forced to leave the country.

Posted by Gideon Television at September 23, 2006 08:42 PM

Comments

Damn Gideon. You are wrong and twisted!

And I dig that about you, man! Now I need a landmark so I can come visit. However, unlike your friend, Sr. Hazel, I will not be seeking salvation on my knees before you. I do however have a ruler...

Posted by: Postmodern Sexgeek on September 24, 2006 03:54 PM

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